Tuesday, 17 September 2013

Back on the horse

Well, that was a crazy few days! Big thanks to the few people who jumped on my last post and bombarded with me with support and offers to talk. I really appreciated the concern, it was very kind.

I guess that I should just reiterate that the previous post was about putting feelings into words, more so then thoughts into words. The hardest thing to understand about depression is the fact that your thoughts and feelings often won't match. I've had days where I've sat in bed and bombarded my thought process with positivity while also crying my eyes out and feeling physically sick. Trying to tell yourself that you're ok whilst you're almost throwing up because you've been crying so much is pointless. It's at that point that you can lose control and that's what was happening to me. I let it all overwhelm me and knock me down. I'm back on the horse now though.

Now, on to something a bit lighter.

Did you know that Christmas is only 98 days away! We're in double digits people.

Christmas is my favourite time of the year, I just love the decorations, christmas carols, store displays and putting up the tree and lights. Everything about Christmas is exciting.

So last night we decided that our new family activity would be to make home made gift tags and cards for this year. We both made a few different ones and I was pleasantly surprised at just how much effort we were actually willing to put into it. I love craft but Phil isn't much into anything that doesn't involve an electronic component. It was however a lot of fun.

Today I woke up and read some more of my book and took myself out to breakfast. In case you haven't realised, I'm really hard on myself. I see my inability to do things as failure and I don't forgive myself for not living up to my own expectations. I needed a bit of me time to contemplate my next move. I need to be nicer to myself, if only that wasn't so difficult.

I was still in a crafty mood when I got home so I decided to make the paper pom-pom that I bought as a kit from a vintage bridal fair a few months ago. It's rather cute and I'm pretty happy with it, not bad for $4. I just have to find somewhere to put it! I didn't think about that before making it. Whoops! 

It's got little hearts on it!
This afternoon I'm planning on cleaning the floors again, they are looking pretty average after the rain yesterday. I also intend on making some baked goods and cleaning the kitchen from top to bottom. Not exactly the most exciting way to spend an afternoon, but when things need to be done someones got to do them.

So I guess I'll end this by saying that I apologise to anyone who may have been offended by my previous post. It's hard to understand what to say or do when you're faced with something you may not know much about, so after reflection I feel it's safe to say that it was unfair of me to have such a big expectation of people in my life. I know that the post had a general feeling on unhappiness with my family and friends, but I can assure you that this isn't the case. I know that I am very loved and that I always have support if I ask for it. I just forget that sometimes.

I'm doing much better and I look forward to getting better and feeling back to normal soon. In the mean time, I'm going to continue to try and choose happiness and seek professional assistance with my issues. 

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