Self awareness

Recently I've been thinking about myself as a person and all the things I like and dislike about myself. I can assure you that this isn't even the slightest bit enjoyable, however I would be lying if I said that it wasn't eye opening.

It's helpful when you're self aware, life just seems a little easier when you're able to take a step back and realise why you get the reactions you get and try and look at yourself and your life from a different perspective.

I've found the whole activity oddly liberating. Some things I want to try and actively change, but other things I'm happy to continue with.

There are a number of things I've noticed, but here are the top 10;

1. I unintentionally come across as though I'm trying to One-up people when I'm trying to contribute to a conversation. No one has ever pointed this out, but I know I do it.


2. I over think almost everything. I don't think I'm able to just take something for what it is.


3. I get incredibly frustrated when people don't understand things that I perceive as common sense.


4. My laugh is incredibly annoying. It's funny at first but gets really annoying very quickly.


5. I over talk so much that I often forget the point I was going to make and end up telling a 15 minute story about something completely unrelated. This is generally because I get caught up in details and get so sidetracked that I forget to go back to my original train of thought.


6. I talk really really loud and even when I attempt to quiet down, my voice is still far too loud.


7. I take criticism really personally even though I know I shouldn't. No matter what form, I feel like I'm personally being attacked.


8. I have a constant need to be right. If I am sure of my facts, I will often argue it until I'm blue in the face. I'll find books and articles that support my view and send them to the person days later if I feel they aren't convinced that I'm right. It's not because I'm trying to be an arse, it's because I want people to be educated and hate the idea of people going around spreading incorrect information.


9. I'm overly sensitive to light and sound. Loud noises and certain sounds make me really angry (i.e the sound of fingernails scratching skin) and if a place is not well lit I usually get a headache.


10. I put myself down a lot because I think people will find it funny but when they laugh I feel bad about myself.

Not all of them are so bad but a lot of them are things that are annoying and contribute to the reason people dislike me. I'm not saying this in self pity, I know that some people don't notice these things and it doesn't bother them, but other people do and they can't stand it. It's life. Some people like you and some people don't. You just have to be yourself and let them make up their own minds.

I guess it's easy to think of all the things you dislike about yourself, but it's important to realise that some of these things are what others love about you. I know this because my husband has been reading this list over my shoulder as I write it and he had said a number of times that some of the points are things he loves about me. I admit that I find that hard to wrap my head around but I still feel comforted by it.