Wednesday, 21 August 2013

Marriage - 2 years in!

Today is day 1 of our third year of marriage.

2 years ago yesterday, I married my best friend of 6.5 years! We've now been together 8.5 years (how time flys!) and we're only just starting to sort our lives out now.

We had a beautiful wedding, it had an orange and purple colour theme and we tried to keep it young and fresh whilst also keeping an elegant and traditional feel. We got married in my family church and had our reception at a local reception venue which also happened to be a renovated and repurposed church.

We had our photos in the CBD of our town. Our town has a lot of history and while it has had a number of upgrades, there are a lot of character features that we thought would be perfect. Some of the locations no longer exist due to development but we think that kind of makes them special.

A few little things went wrong prior to the wedding, including my sister dislocating her knee and ending up on crutches, my family fighting over who was going to attend because not all our relatives get along and a number of guests being unable to attend last minute, even though we had already paid for them! All seemed like such big deals at the time but now I just look back and laugh. 

My half sister gave me the best piece of advice, I have passed in on a few times and I will never forget it... 

"Don't worry about all the little things, if things don't go exactly to plan it doesn't matter. Your guest don't know how it was supposed to be, so they will simply enjoy themselves if you enjoy yourself". - Megan

It was a beautiful day, but marrying young (I was 21) was a challenge. I was only just starting to really figure out who I was and what I wanted out of life. I was in a contract job, we were living with my parents and I was so excited about the wedding, that I gave very little thought to the married life that was to follow.

I woke up the day after our wedding, walked onto the balcony and just burst into tears. My husband was asleep in the hotel room behind me and instead of being happy and wrapped up in the fuzzy feelings I expected as a newlywed, I was crying my eyes out.


I left our wedding feeling over the moon, simply elated! Even the awful Robbie Williams music in the limo didn't dampen my spirit. I was just totally and utterly overwhelmed with happiness that I was now married and that my best friend was now my husband. I was on top of the world! 

We checked into our hotel, went up to the room and ordered room service (We were starving!) and then just got into our PJ's and watched TV. The whole day was exhausting and we both just wanted to eat and go to sleep. 

Once Phil fell asleep, I started to feel sick. Over the next few hours I ended up having a massive panic attack that nearly ended up with a trip to the hospital. The whole overwhelming experience of planning a wedding had finally caught up with me and I really struggled with the fact that it was now officially over. I ended up calming myself down and then attempted to get a few hours sleep. It was 6am and I ran to the balcony to cry so I didn't wake up my new husband. I felt like a fool. I questioned myself and wondered if I'd made the right decision. The same thought swam through me head - Had I married for love or to have a wedding?

Needless to say, the first few days of our honeymoon were spent in our hotel room, me crying my eyes out and him wondering what on earth was so bad about our hotel room. I couldn't tell him what was going on. I wouldn't tell him.

A week later my friend got married. At the wedding I had a chance to catch up with some school friends and my bridesmaids and I quickly realised how silly I had been. In 20 minutes they'd really helped me understand what I was feeling. It wasn't that I made a mistake, it's that I took on everything and tried to do it all myself. I'd devoted almost 2 years of my life to planning this wedding and I was mourning the loss. It made so much sense when they said it. 

It made me think about how I would have done things differently and the kind of support person that I want to be when/if I'm asked to be part of a friends wedding.

My sister is now getting married in 2 years and I'm trying to make a real effort to make sure I'm involved and helpful without being over bearing. It's hard to find a balance between helpful and taking over sometimes though. I just don't want her to feel how I felt. It was really hard and it was not the ideal way to start a marriage.

So as a woman that has been married for 2 years, I have 3 pieces of advice;

1. Seek assistance with the wedding and don't let it get so overwhelming that it creates a memory that you'll regret years later.

2. "Don't worry about all the little things, if everything doesn't go exactly to plan it doesn't matter. Your guest don't know how it was supposed to be, so they will simply enjoy themselves if you enjoy yourself". - Megan

3. It's ok to want to talk to your girlfriends about serious things, but it's really important to keep the communication with your husband open and honest. If you can't communicate with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you probably shouldn't be marrying them! 

So that was my experience. Looking back now I know that I made the right decision. There are good times and bad times but I know everything will work out. As much as I dislike him some days, I can't imagine my life without him in it.

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